I See Them

I woke up this morning
Misty eyed and blank
Why can man do such a thing?
Does he know that..
Many suffer because of him.

Why oh why?
God sees man's struggle
If such calloused heart continues
Them that suffer
Will have the agony day after day

What can i do?
I feel so helpless with what i see
When my hand starts to write
They are blocked by this man's "might"
I feel so helpless

I see their eyes
I bleed inside
When must suffering end
How can i comfort these souls
I feel that i have not done enough

I thought of parting
I thought of space
I thought i should free my heart
I do suffer...
I feel so pained ...

My hands were wide open
Now...they are still but weary
I want to hold them not the man
I want to hold them in my heart
It hurts so much

If only i have much of those strength
That i could contain them in my heart
Oh my ...oh my...
I know even if i feel God's silence
He has them ...in his unfathomable love.....

Thank you so much my God...

Focus on Serving...Focus on Loving

Before i start up something, i check my motivations. It usually gives me a halt when motivation-wise (hehe if there is such a word) would give me feedback that the focus is self not service. If I could not get the shape of my sincere motive of serving and ultimately, loving...i don't do it. And so waiting comes in.

There are lots of waiting. It is not a waiting for the availability of funds. Though i admit it is one of the major concerns, but, it is the waiting for Dang to shape up. Though i get frustrated at times with myself but not really with Dang. She is such a daring adventure of everything...i am trying to get to know her even more with her thoughts, desires and actions. I always forgive myself and Dang when we both falter and fail, that's why we are both so comfortable with each other (just like the way i befriend Mike).

And so we wait that service and loving be the real motive. we sift, sort, resort...Tedious but we are not giving up...joyful? yes...and hopeful? ......OHHHHHHHHH YESSSSSSSSSS!:-0 hahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahahah

In Love? yes yes yes ....hahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahaha

My "Beautiful" Project

For almost two weeks now, i started a beautiful project - my t shirt and accessories shop. With my meager budget, two generous carpenters have extended themselves giving cheaper service than the usual (and i gave them free meals,snacks and chikka interviews). The shop is almost done but i could not be totally convinced with making it a clothes shop. And so i prayed for guidance as to what to do with it. With its native and cute look i could make it something perhaps more worthwhile than a clothes shop...

And so while the construction is on going, a friend asked me to do counseling for her son and some people in the company requested for my private counseling service. And so making it a counseling room was the idea that came in. At the moment the idea is still an idea heheheh. Still, i am in the process of beautifying the shop and continuing to envision of something like pushing through with my consultancy, trainings and counseling service.

In prayer, i am like planting the seed for the idea to come to reality...the Joyfully Hopeful shirts will then be promoted during counseling...:-) How is that God huh? hehehehehehhe I simply love the idea...

Wait lang beauty ko sa Boss ko above...:-)

A Surprise Gift

I received a beautiful Christmas card yesterday from Fr. Frank...crafted and designed by himself (super talented...). He calls its "old fashioned" but not for me. I like old ways, traditions, etc. They reminisce beautiful memories. When i was a kid, i made cards too. They were usually projects that my teachers asked us to do to be given to special people in our lives. I usually give them to my parents, brothers, sisters and friends. Since i did not find myself artistic, some of those i made were meant only for submission, grading and kept in my "baul". But those i found attractive, i gave them. But my parents simply accepted them despite the looks and i got the most beautiful smile from them.

Nickey, my pamangkin does it more often to his parents. I appreciated him very much for doing such (though still it is a school project). But the effort of my SD Fr. Frank is something that of an extra mile...He crafted them in his own hands and intentionally give them not because it is a school project....hehehe perhaps i could do the same...hehehe thinking of it...gakalingaw nako ...:-)

This time...the artist in me is slowly waking up...:-)

Thank you Fr. Frank...such a beautiful gift you gave...Merry Christmas...huhuhuhu!

Loosing Hope

A friend informed me last night via txt about someone we both know that committed suicide and died. It is so so sad to hear such a news. I could see the victim's face in my mind. Ohh so sad...May the Lord Jesus...grant mercy to his soul...


Eternal rest grant unto him oh Lord...
And let perpetual life shine on him...
May he rest in peace ...
Amen

Wingless Angels

Last night someone called me an "Angel" to the rescue on behalf of a priest's that did not show up hahahhahahah to lead the opening prayer of a program and prayer before meal:-)... That was like unexpected comment. The dominant feeling was not being worthy to be called as such. As i checked myself, I believe anyone can be an angel in disguise...Anybody can be used by God to represent Him in any situation. His representative, His messenger when any of His people needs Him. Who else but...us?

But more than anything...people are seeing me and BEYOND ME...seeing that i can do God's work and so they come for anything - do counseling for a member of the family or do counseling for them, edit their work, do some introduction of a production number, edit their work, write eulogy for someone that died...as in super dooper hahhahahaha (my sister was shocked when i told her this)...

They also flock for comments and assurance with how they look or the style of clothing or write a personality development program for them. And the most heartwarming of all that i had was when in some acquaintances, strangers, colleagues, or old friends open and pour out their hearts (in buckets of tears most of the time. They simply trust me. And ohhhh i feel the need to take care of them. They come because they feel that i can be trusted and more than anything they see God in me....grabe talaga na pressure ...damang dama ko yon...(dapat talaga ipagpapatuloy ang pagpapakabait hahahhahaha).

Some of them asked for my professional fee...i could not utter anything simply because i already got used to helping anyone in need that i don't really know if i could attach any fee for anything i do as a favor for others that need my help ...in anyway i can.

Anyhow, the fee can be discussed though for some special services like trainings or perhaps i could engage in a professional counseling practice in the future hahahhahahaha (now toying the brilliant idea) but not with some small favors to friends ...and there are lots of them... I guess then that being called an angel by some individuals is appropriate.

And so everyday can be a planting of small seeds of hope for others... we can do this together...we can be God's Wingless Angels...:-)

The Rosary

I simply believe in the power of prayer ...the rosary...The strength of my relationship with Mike...is deeply supported by the power of the Rosary...the patience, endurance, love spoken and done, listening spoken and those in silence. The Rosary...builds the power...the bridge that connects hearts.

Keeping it simple - focusing on the heart

I had a simple hearty lunch with mike today...heart to heart talk...that touched ...the unsa pa ... di sa heart hahahhahahahaha....bitaw...i love the simple conversation with him...shared our worries and happy times together...Lovely times...good times...bad times can be turned into beautiful times...so pray, pray, pray...it makes a lot of difference...

Inspiring Someone

From a low spirit and up...that's how it is when i am inspired or when i inspire someone. I would call it some positive energy pushing the person up. What is the trigger? Simple...simply lang gyud...learned to appreciate, stayed on track and touched the heart...that's what i did today...:-) Amen...

One of My Life's heart Fattening

For 11 years of staying and sticking with Michael, a number have asked why the long engagement? We would have gotten married a long time ago yet we opted not to. Lots of reasons were sited and the most was the fear of not being able to meet the responsibilities of married life...hahah nagkasinabot lang gyud diay mi ...

Last night was quite a night to remember. We both plunged into some heavy discussions and in Mike's unusual way he uttered "pareha gyud tayo hon ba? ....stubborn" and we both laughed out loud. But then i added "...but let us not stay in that level hon...we will both strive to improve ourselves..."...hehe we both agreed...(he is my partner in everything including prayer of the daily rosary :-)

I and Mike simply continue to acknowledge that beauty of us being friends and the striving to nourish us both with much prayers, openness ...and endurance...

This time with him is a lot different...and nakakataba ng puso...I love Mike ...and i thank the Lord for giving him to me...:-)

Sparks and Moments of Grace

I sat inside a public vehicle noticing the strip of smile on my face. Lately, i am feeling some flashes of joy and peace and a lot of times i don't know why. I simply savor it. I call it grace...

The Baby

I saw beggars outside of the office. Actually , the entire family outside. One morning, the husband kept on pouring some water on the forehead to give the baby a bath. It was such a disheartening site of a couple trying to bring with them a baby in an open and very polluted air of divisoria. It simply breaks my heart to see such a baby not being given the full care just like regular babies taken cared of at home ( i saw how my nephews and nieces were given such attention). But the poor baby simply tore my heart to pieces. I just want to cry .....ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh huhuhuhuhu....

Hunger

Hunger is a desire to be filled in particularly with food. But hunger can mean a desire to fill up the ego. In my not so remote past, i wanted to excel to get the attention of my family. When is started working, I wanted to be noticed. But when a certain post to lead was given to me, I said no. You know why? I was one big critique to particular leaders. And so i was afraid that when i lead, i would experience the same.

At first i don't really understand why i see a lot of bouts among leaders and when a new ones comes out, the older ones are threatened.

Actually, i was a victim to a threatened leader and i thought of shunning it off and not giving in to such insecurity. I have a choice as to how i would respond to the situation. I could still choose to improve myself and enjoy my beautiful moments and opportunity to lead:-). The thing is, the more i hide, work and be invisible, the more i get noticed. Do I have a problem with that ? At first i did. Now no more. I just have to get the job done and put in as much love as i can...

work...work...love..love... ( sa tinuod lang ga labad ako ulo sa ila oi...hahay...but pasagdan ko na lang...mas maayo i ampo ang mga katugulangan hahahahhaha)

Competitions vs Personal Growth and Joy

Someone told me last week "you are a strong competitor to them". I was like "ouch"...what happened? I mean to some of these people. Actually, someone from the previous workplace happened to utter those words and we were both laughing at it.

For the past years, i strove not to give in to competitions but pushed myself to improve my crafts and the person that i am. Sometimes i feel threatened when i see some strong personalities or someone displaying great skills, capacities and the potential to become someone in the organization. But the more i focused on them, the more i forgot about my capacities and improving myself. I was never happy with the later. I get to loose my balance if i give in to competitions.

Though i focus on improving myself, i still strive to detach from myself and ego so that i would experience the joy of it all...:-)

Consumed but not...

I find the title of this blog ironical..."consumed but not"...this month is like a horse riding month ...in all aspects...in hurry with a lot of things ...from work to personal life. And so when i got sick the other week and lost my golden voice hahahhahha, i realize silence has to come in...letting go and delegating were the last recourse...so deeply consumed but realized that i should not be...there are much better and more essential things in life than being to do...so what i did, i allowed myself to be absent, engaged in spending time with loved ones and of course my lovi doggies tobby and now the new one Chacha hahahhahaha over populated house talaga...


Conclusion : it is just so good to let go..........

Loving

"...loving in quite absolute final way..."...i only know of one final way of loving...the example of Jesus dying on the cross...dying for someone you love...this i find so difficult but possible...He did it and so by His grace I believe I can...

Forgiveness

i heard Him saying so loud and clear...i heard His forgiveness and when i hear Him doing that, my heart can't just give what He gave...Him being so generous with that makes me do the same. Thank you Father...:-)

The Unique DANG

When you’re just like everybody else, you’ve nothing to offer other than your conformity. - Dr. Wayne Dyer...

The statement above by Dr. Dyer led me to this writing that say... The unique child inside Glenda named dang has a lot to offer. She just sank in self pity as she was always compared with her siblings when she was a kid. Surprises of all, she began to come out during those years in college when she had all the strength to pursue what she wanted like taking up Psychology, moved up to masters, dressed up unlike the others (swift and mild style that spoke of grace), pursued singing (not really careered heheh) in college, danced so well, started to design modules and gave talks in her Catholic Christian community and many more...

As she slowly came out from herself, she just became so vibrant with life...she likes to laugh, giggle. She is soo funny and so spontaneous with jokes. She like to animate. And she has her unique way of praying such visualizing Jesus and the Father (heaven is visualized as a playground and where she can simply hop on teh Father's huge bed or sleep at His feet or threw stones at the heavens or bite her angel's wings...chillax folks...imagination lang:-)).

Though she likes to talk, she likes to listen, too. She cries when she feels like or when listening with sad stories shared by anyone (actually when she is both happy and sad...she cries heheh odd ha).

And i tell you she feels a lot and has strong intuition with how others' feel. She is so sensitive and can read feelings written on the face (that's why she can easily respond when she sees pain...in the eyes of anyone).

She can fashion and refashion different encounters. She can calm down an angry soul...simply because she listens and accepts without questions. And, she is so crazy in love and humbly embraces the need to learn more in this aspect.

Oh so wonderful creature....Beautiful Dang. She is simply splendid, marvelous, awesome...And now she found more of herself through writing, designing and continues to explore her capacities. And instead of pursuing the world's fashion...she found passion...to serve in everything she does.

I would want to declare that I LOVE DANG AND I THANK GOD FOR CREATING HER...HOW WONDERFUL HE IS THAT CREATED HER...I CELEBRATE WITH THE UNIQUE AND BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL...INSIDE...GLENDA:-) AMEN!!!

P.S. GOD must be soooo BEAUTIFUL... Dang is just a glimpse of HIS BEAUTY...OMG hehhe as in Oh My God!!!!!! can i contain Him when i see Him one day?

Despite and Inspite of

This time is like a roller coaster ride. In the past, this one is kind of frightening. This time holds the greatest surprise of all. I believe i got God's strength to push through despite and inspite of. I still continue to thank Him ...Amen.

From Politics to Sports

Char lang...this time, Joyfully Hopeful is invading the world of sports...hahahah i mean kids sports. Yesterday, i was offered by my sister to co sponsor the uniform of another soccer team. Since they are forming two different age groups of players, she was asking me to "adopt" the other kids group such that naming them THE JOYFULLY HOPEFUL KIDS soccer team...

I excitedly printed shirts for their uniform and of course showcase the shirts plus the streamer of the Joyfully Hopeful during their soccer game this weekend...whitweewww...

At this point, i guess, we need to look for other sponsors to support their needs. I need not act as the coach hahahaha over to the max...Dennis, my sis husband will do that for us...Amen...

...so how is that? ...from politics to the invasion of kids' sports - soccer ...Doing God's business ha...:-) At my end, i am slowly toying with the idea of giving them formation .....hahahahhaha ...pinaparaket ako ni God ngayon ...free raket hahahahahha

Feeling the Beat

I was simply visited by emptiness this morning. I felt so overwhelmed by its intensity and it left me helpless facing it. I felt some other force is in control and allowing such space to feel the "beat".

So how is that for the beat? Can you imagine such empty space to "beat"? I define beating in an empty space as the movement like that of a heart that tries to expand and reduces its size to rest...trying to beat while expressing its longing to be filled up by that which it only knows. Wow...i feel like my heart is expanding too while i write this part. But this is how it is and how it happened this morning.

My emptiness. The longing. The cry. The heart that knows what it wants. The heart that knows and desires for something...for that Someone to come in. It wants so much to absorb and be saturated by that Someone.

Again, it knows what it wants...it knows that it can only be filled by HIM that made it.

Take Care of them

-the beauties and the best-

Before i got my current job, i was weighing among different options. The "majors" were between the academe and the industrial setting. But my heart was quite heavy when the opportunity came to teach college students and do part time teaching in the Graduate School. I was not quite certain of the purpose of the discomfort, not until i landed this current job handling employee trainings of a particular company.

Ever since i started with training i hear it loud and clear...this is what HE WANTS ME TO DO...train HIS PEOPLE...to TAKE CARE OF "THEM" for HIM...for HIS PURPOSE FOR THEM...and tindi.........while i led the participants into a simple and deep quiet for them to get in touch with themselves...i feel a "touch and tickle" inside...and i simply felt that fun of making my LOVE ...MY BIG BOSS up there...SO ...OHH SO HAPPY...hehehehehhehehe ... do you now feel how much joy i am feeling doing what i am doing? ....Amen...

Big Day's Surprise

I am so very "mababaw" in terms of finding joy and happiness...i easily get that lately and i always get a reason to be happy...i don't wait for happiness to come...i beg for the grace to be that and woooshhh it comes ( i get a lot of support up there:-)

But this morning October 21, 2010 is not like any other day though ...(though i tend to make each day different from the others heheh), i had one of the most beautiful surprise of receiving a comment from one of the most popular bloggers here in the Philippines...wow...bai feels like crying - Toni Tiu of Fit to Post jud...oo nga naman call me babaw but that's how it is with me.

I am a neophyte with blogging and i write my heart out. I feel like some nobody that is just trying to do not really head way but "play" or call it a playground through words without considering grammar and whatsoever formal English writing has. This is me and this is how it is with me...

But the comment just made me so inspired to "fire" for the day's training...i just thought how such one comment inspires one soul to fire up with life...Thank you God for than one ladies' beautiful inspiration...Thanks for Toni Tiu...may she be blessed even more..Amen...

Lastly, i could do the same...giving high regard to others by just posting positive comments...ohh diva pass it forward friendships hehehehe:-)

Evangelizing Politics

A friend named Mitch approached me for a request of printing campaign - Ocshirts for his father who is running for "Kagawad" in the upcoming Barangay election - October 25, 2010. I have not really tried printing other than the Joyfully Hopeful Designs but this one may be a venue for evangelization. I did not really know how to come in as to putting in the JH advocacy prayer but when Mitch requested that the prayer be attached, my soul leaped for joy hahahhahah ..a new way of evangelizing politics...and our people...Amen ....


- The Candidate -



- The Joyfully Hopeful Advocacy prayer printed at the back of the shirt -

Dear God

Today I am going to watch a film entitled "Letters to God"...the excerpt says they come from a kid that is a Cancer patient...Running the conversation with Alfie and Nicky this morning regarding the movie flashed the idea of inviting people to write their letters to God and i would post them at my blog site that will appear like a collation of letters...This will surely start up big convention and an array of meetings of the heavenly beings ahahahhahah...isn't this a great idea? Just trying to shake the heavens again....whoooshhhhhhh (parang bagyo hahahahh).

I will bring this further to prayer hehehe...Amen.

Jesus' Hug ...My Daily Pill

How would you consider getting an invisible hug from someone you don't see but feel everyday hehe...I always get that ...and the warmth and comfort? Excellent...:-) I consider it a daily pill...huggy huggy Jesus hehehehe...My song for YOU :

I wanna run to you ohhhhuh...(whitney H. effect ...char lang dili ko ka memorize) ...

Something you won't like

The running thought this morning while hearing the mass is this "the person that you don't like to be with may get you to heaven"...ouch what a reminder...okesh...this led me to someone that i resisted to see or be with for more than a year now...i guess this is the time to make a shift...Oh God...give me the grace to love like you huhuhuhuhu... hug gihapon Jesus beh... hehe

God's Stirring and My Digging

God is doing the stirring. I can feel that clearly. And at my end I am doing the digging...my notes hehehe ('yon lang ...no drama hahahah). i needed to review the process of the 19th annotation. Though i felt the panic of its end, but i saw the hope as i dug my notes and went back to the experience. And it helped me more seeing the book Schooled by the Spirit given by Fr. Xavier Olin, SJ months ago. I thought it was just a simple token from the workshop with the prenovices. At this time it has become a priceless possession. I need it badly huhuhu.

Thanks be to God...Thanks Fr. XO hehehe

To Go Where He is At work

At mass this morning i was like struck by a lightning of a thought liner "...to go where He is at work"...and i could associate this with everywhere...huh? ang daming gagawin hehe but...really i am pondering on this and it shakes me inside...still questioning where to though...a lot of options ...beautiful options...:-)

Beautiful

T'was such a miracle of the night ending it with the idea of producing copies of the Joyfully Hopeful advocacy prayer...I simply experienced the fun of producing them - printing, cutting and laminating....And today ...this very day...i experienced the joy of distributing them heheh so beautiful (i asked the VP's secretary to place one on his table)...Doing God's Business with Pleasure ha...and having fun...Amen.

Marvelous

I have written a lot in the past but I never got the courage to expose them due to my "thought of" incompetence. It was only with Fr. Frank that i got the shape of my passion to write. And now...i just simply ...simply like to write...i find it so natural to express my heart through this and it makes me spread my wings...fly higher...tell more of the "Good News"...rather than fret and loose sight of life's beauty...:-)

God just simply did a great job exposing me through my SD....Thanks heavens...Thanks Fr. Frank:-)

The Stirring

"Stirring"...Fr. Frank mentioned this in his homily during the closing mass of my 19th annotation retreat. I immediately saw in my imagination someone holding a long ladle stirring a huge pot filled with white liquid. Hahahaha i thought i would see a witch...Thanks be to God ...just an image of a man.

Now the honest feeling...afraid and i felt my eyes dilated in its attempt to expand the invisible screen in my mind...I wanted to see more...beyond what i could afford to see. But still i cannot deny the fact that fear for the unknown is slowly shaping... So, there are more things unrevealed and God is continuing the stirring...(gosssssssshhhh...hadlok ko bai).

So there are more to come...I do feel something at the moment. But i need to wait for it take that shape before i say my piece...It is still good to wait... for the right time...

What's in My Heart

I woke up this morning (October 5, 2010) carrying the heaviest feeling of not being motivated to wake up. I gave myself a break yesterday from work to figure out my life after two straight months of working and not being able to breath that fresh air called "private moment". That private moment called - sleep, eat, pray and play with tobby. I miss that time with myself and God. This is the biggest bulk...sort out things before I move forward. I like it that way ...take a pause and gain fresh perspectives.

So what's fresh for the day? hehe I heard the early morning mass. Though my heart was really broken when i checked with the question " what is it that i really, really want to do at this time?. I just want it plain and simple...to gain strength in prayer that i may be guided with my decisions. There are things to look into at the moment such as :

1. getting married
2. digging my heart's passion
3. embracing simplicity
4. becoming God's partner in the mission


...Amen:-)

I Will Give it a Rest

Just the thought of pulling out earlier from work relieves my spirit. I thought i have exhausted myself with work, work, work. This time is my time...a 2 hour pull out would mean a lot to dang...so here goes...goodbye for now...:-)

Panic No More

I feel that in my effort to do some tasks assigned to me, i am motivated to please others. With my boss i feel that i have to do that but when all else fails?...i just have to accept that there are things that need to be changed and revised.

Still, i remind myself not to panic...i do my job, i do my best and i leave the rest to my true BIG BOSS UP THERE...:-)

Simplicity

I had a nap this lunch time. I must have dozed off a bit. When i gathered my consciousness (as if i was in control hahahhah talagang tulog) i had the feeling of embracing simplicity. I felt an invitation to be that which i must have gasped some fresh air or perhaps an angel just dropped by to hint my soul such grace of simplicity.

Wow some fresh start. God is reminding me again. Thanks heavens. I will have my short "graduation" ceremony in my 19th annotation retreat this weekend and God wants it to be just simple.

It was then that i know i had to wake up from my nap...and my almost forgotten virtue of simplicity. Fr. Frank was right when he said last Sunday "simple lang...". Okiezz...and the rest will be a surprise...hold on...:-)